She stood at the top of the forty-story building. It was cold up there. Looking outwards, the city was an endless sea of gray. Dull gray. It seemed to mock the reflection of her life, which was messy, jumbled, and unorganized, anything other than dull. The city streets crossed each other at ninety degree angles and kept on straight paths until the end of the earth. Buildings hugged the clouds and were home to endless windows that framed the faces of the mindless, working drones. Their efforts were worthless and their lives were going nowhere. The only color that emerged from the vast scene of ordinary was the yellow of the taxi cabs, stopped dead in traffic. Everywhere.
The wind whipped her hair in all directions. It came in big bursts, and the frigid force slapped her across the face. By this, her tears were shoved into her skin the second they poured from her eyes. Short, choppy breaths managed to escape her trembling lips. The tips of her fingers tingled with anxiety and her toes flirted with the edge. They started to barely peek over towards the ground, toward the plummet.
Her head slightly peered over her toes to see how far she’d fall. The pavement was an eternity away, and it was dizzying to see. It was even more difficult for her to fathom what it would finally be like. To fly, to escape, her chains would be broken and she would be free. It was absolutely terrifying.
Her entire being swayed with the atmosphere. Even the hairs on her arms stood up to join in. Every nerve in her tiny body seemed to dance to the music of fear. Yet she was ready. Her stomach continued to turn as she waited, just waited for the moment. She had done everything possible to prepare herself and all that was left was to wait for her final breath.
Her eyes glazed over and she began to stare blankly ahead of her at the dismal horizon. Slowly, the sharp buildings blurred into one another, and then into the sky itself. She eventually saw nothing beyond gray. Then the blue of her eyes completely disappeared beneath her eyelids. Her lashes kissed and refused to let go. Inhaling through her nose, she could smell the exhaust from the crowded street below. Her ears let in the standard city noises: car horns, kids yelling, couples fighting. The disasters of everyday life. It was a beautiful, chaotic soundtrack. The perfect commotion to have your life ended to.
Her toes started trickling farther away from the safety of the concrete. Her heels creeped slowly forward and her arches cuddled with the corner beneath them. Rising wind licked the souls of her feet and dared her to jump, dared her to join it. But she stood still, save her rocking body.
A quick pain nudged at her heart, willing her to just go. Following, she seemed to feel a jab at her back, forcing her to inch forward a tiny bit more. She was nearly to the point of toppling over by herself, with no effort needed. She was so close. She could taste the open skies, but she could also taste the pain at the bottom. There would be a moment of freedom, then the scream of strangers, the abrupt collision with the road, the destruction of her body. With her body would go her life and everything she had attempted to build up in it. She thought back to her poorly decorated, lonely, single apartment, and then to the many nights she had cried herself to sleep. She thought of the even worse prison she had been in recently, and suddenly ending that misery didn’t seem so bad. She didn’t have much to lose anyways.
Her neck had no desire to exempt any more effort, and her head fell backwards. Her chin pointed to the sky, as if its last attempt to cry out for anything greater. Anything to save her.
There was no answer.
Her short, choppy breaths transformed into deeper, fuller ones. Her teeth opened for each one, and her lips fluttered as they swept by. She still shook with each intake and trembled upon each exhale. Her heart raced faster as her mind swallowed the fact that the time was getting nearer. She had no other options. Any minute now, the strength would be found and down she would go. Ironically, halfway off a skyscraper, living her last seconds of life, she personally had never felt stronger.
At this, she started to look comfortable. So it was then that I pushed her.